Are You Eating Scary Frankenfood? 🧟‍♀️👻

Hello Reader,

Welcome to a sampling of kooky spooky culinary conundrums, where today, we’re diving deep into the queasy world of Frankenfood and other scary processed food ingredients! 👩‍🔬🧪

Frankenfood, you say? 🤨

Yes, you’ve probably heard the term GMOs, or Genetically Modified Organisms. These are plants, animals, or microorganisms whose DNA 🧬 has been tweaked like a mad scientist’s 👨‍🔬 pet project to enhance crop yields, fight off pests, and boost shelf life.

The first generation of GMO food was introduced in the 1990s, and while initially, a purported benefit of GMOs was to boost the nutritional value of crops, the squabble controversy continues to fester as no one knows the long-term effects on humans who consume foods with altered DNA. 😶‍🌫️

We are what we eat, 🌭🌽 and should we mess with Mother Nature? 🧝‍♀️🌱

This is the question. 😧

Drawing on the image of angry villagers bearing torches and pitchforks in protest of this mad science, someone coined GMO’s as Frankenfood, and that name stuck.

Let’s be…Frank.

If the idea of GMOs is scarily suspect, so are any number of highly processed foods.

These are factory-made food “delights” that may have begun as traditional sustenance by way of ranch or farm but then, by test tube and/or mass production, are “worked over” in a factory setting.

There, they may be canned, 🥫 shot up, 💉 adorned, 🎀 irradiated, 🔦 sprayed, 💦 bagged, 💰 or otherwise twisted 🪢 into what we know as convenience food that winds up in your shopping cart, then on your table, and ultimately in your stomach. 🫨🤢

Highly processed foods may be stripped of nutritious elements and/or loaded with added sugar or less-than-ideal oils, pesticides, additives, or other ingredients that are downright weird. 🧌

It seems that some “easy” food might come with a side of surprise (and a yuk factor) 🫣 lurking in every bite.

Oddly enough, not all the yuk factor is artificial.

Maggots in Mushrooms? Yes, Please! 😕🍄‍🟫🦠

First up, we have mushrooms! Did you know the US FDA allows up to 19 maggots in every 3.5-ounce can of mushrooms? Yep, those tiny, rice-shaped fly larvae are living their best lives in your canned goods!

And if that isn’t enough, you might also find a limit of 74 mites in there, too!

Phew, thankful it’s not 75 mites, that would be disgusting! 😒

Salad Dressing or A Day at the Beach?

Ever sample your salad dressing and think, “Hmm, this tastes like sunscreen!”? Well, it just might!

Big food companies sneak in titanium dioxide, an industrial chemical found in everything from paints and adhesives to roofing materials. This uber-critical additive is put in frozen pizza and ice cream to make them appear brighter (and possibly leakproof, I guess).

Titanium Dioxide is added to sunscreen, but it’s also added to your salad dressings so they will look shinier. And the upside? Your greens won’t get a sunburn from all that extra brightness!

So….. that’s helpful. 🙄

Rodent Hair Surprise! 🐭🐀

Shrimp lovers, rejoice! Or maybe not. 🫷 Depending on where processed shrimp comes from, you could be enjoying a legally acceptable amount of mouse and rat hair. Yum, right? 🦐 Just imagine sitting in a restaurant, munching away, and thinking, “Hmm, is that a flavor I didn’t order?”

Farmed shrimp from overseas may be swimming in antibiotics and extra protein from our furry friends.

But hey, it’s mighty thoughtful of them to put in the antibiotics⚕️as a pre-emptive strike. 🤕

Beaver Glands in Your Candy? 🦫

And here’s a juicy tidbit: ever heard of castoreum? It’s a substance secreted by a beaver’s rear end. Used to flavor some candies, 🍬 puddings, 🍮 and soft drinks, 🥤 castoreium is even an aroma added to some perfumes (But we wouldn’t eat perfumes. That would be downright silly). 🥹

Just when you thought your sweets couldn’t get any sweeter!

Remember, if you see “natural flavoring” on the label, it could be a damn dam builder’s secret ingredient. ㊙️ Who knew? A beaver secretion from a gland located next to its butt with a taste that resembles vanilla.

I guess “natural flavoring,” while natural, is not all it’s cracked up to be….(see what I did there?)…sorry, I couldn’t resist.

Seriously, what could have transpired for someone to discover this about a beaver’s rear end? 😝 Never mind, I don’t want to know.

Moving on…

Human Hair in Your Bread, Anyone? 🍞 🦆

Have you ever wondered what gives your loaf that delightful texture and wonderful conditioning? It might just be L-Cysteine, an amino acid derived from things like human hair 👩🏻‍🦱 or duck feathers. Hey, multi-tasking at its finest! Eat and floss at the same time! 😁🥵

Insect Parts and Wood Pulp 🐞🪵

This is a good one. Who doesn’t want ladybugs in their candies? Well, sort of. The shells of desert beetles are ground up to make carmine, a red food coloring.

Yes, many ladybugs were harmed in the making of that red candy you’re hooked on. 🟥

And if you’re sipping on that fruit punch, remember, it might just be beetle juice! 🧟 (beetle juice, 🧟 beetle juice 🧟)!

And if your low-fat ice cream 🍨 is creamier than expected, it’s likely because it has wood pulp in it,

Which makes no sense to me whatsoever.

But neither does beaver butt, so okay. 🙊

You may be a little queasy at this point, so I’ll stop there. 🛑

Final Thoughts ☑️

The next time you reach for that processed product or Frankenfood, just consider all the unexpected guests 🐛 and future genetic repercussions 🧬 joining you on your plate.

But hey, think about it! If you’re trying to cut back, you might eat less! 🥰

Now there’s a Titanium Dioxide bright side for ya! 🤷✨

Whether it’s maggots, beaver glands, or wood pulp, Frankenfood and the mad science of processed products are lurking everywhere, ready to say “Boo”! 👻👻

So, from ghoulies 🧛🏻‍♂️ and ghosties 👻 and long-leggedy beasties 🪳 and things that go barf in the night,😘

I bid you,

Bon Appetite!

And Cheers!